Friday, September 25, 2009

7 yEaR oLd'S DiArY

Prenote to all readers : Please read my disclaimer as always :) ! and please forgive the grammar, its a 7 year oldz musing anyways :)!

Dear diary, today I start to write Diary , writing what i did from morning as my uncle hary troubled( no other word found) to write like this daily.Morning, I think bathing is a mistake invention, because everytime Hary uncle goes inside bathroom he is screaming ( he asks me put it as singing) , so I think it will create pain. Then I put some white cream and powder without my sister finding, as after putting this she becomes white and another colour. Mummy first asked me "kanna pls eat", if I don't she makes me afraid by telling " Seri, wait I will call Hary uncle to tell a joke" , so I think Mummy food is better.. We run to my auto and I sit in front along with auto mama and press the honk in signal and police mama shouts at Auto mama.

Today in assembly, Rahul made the Durrrr noise from his back and I laughed showing finger at him, so my class Miss Rekha beat me on my back and made me kneel down in front of all. First period is English and I tried same what uncle Hary did ( Link ),but got beatings again because miss asked me to say bike and I said car. I like history miss because ,everyday Hary Uncle gives me a letter to give to History miss and she gives me a letter to give to Hary Uncle, today different History miss came and she is old and not nice . As Hary uncle usually says" Give this office letter to History miss" , I gave this also to the new History miss. After reading the letter she told me to bring Hary uncle tomorrow. Hope he has a nice time.

I asked my class miss how to eat Orange and she told me how, I went near her and squeezed the Orange and water fell on her eyes, she shouted and gave me beating for putting water.During games period We played catch-ball, as Hary uncle given me practice in this, I catch well and throw well, but my friend Rahul was good too.So I picked and threw a ball full fast at my friend but it fell on his head and he cried. It was a stone ,I did not know promise. My friend Karthik asked me why is Chris so Fat, and I replied because he had swallowed a Ballon and told Karthik to pinch with a safety Pin to burst the balloon. So Karthik did that and I got beatings.

After full day beatings , I went home in auto and it was raining and so many rainwater around. As Hary uncle , Mom,Dad and Sis came to get me from Auto I jumped out in a laugh. on a puddle of water, it spread on all of them and Hary uncle white shirt became brown, and my sister makeup cleared. Again beatings. In home I told Hary uncle to sing happy song, so he screamed and opened his hand which fell on my mummy who was bringing milks, glass and the milk fell down on his head.Again beatings, but to Hary uncle.

I asked Daddy " Are you afraid of Mom" , he angrily said " No! am not" , so I asked him " Then why did you throw of the lunch in the bin without telling mom and saying shhhhh" , Mummy was behind me and Daddy started sweating. Again shoutings to my Daddy and beatings to me from Daddy. Last sister came to tell story to make me sleep, afraid of her mokai story I told I am sleepy.

So this is my day. I think I can put name as Beating Diary.

Friday, September 18, 2009

jObLeSs SuRvEy

Hmm so many of you would have come across baseless surveys which could take up your precious idle time :) , so we a team of workaholics( if yu'd believe this then pls read on lol ) started out with the task of surveying a bunch of people . The Survey is about - @ Work, when there is no work, how to kill time.. We got some real variety of answers

Mr.J - Drink large glasses of water and juice, so that you can spend most of the time walking in a hurried pace to the LOO, so that people think you are busy running.

Mr.O - Oh, i keep calling offshore from onsite, as the number does not get displayed and yu can hear people screaming back much fun.

Mr.B - Well i start a mail chain with so many colleagues, example as " Hey Ravi why did you tell Prakash that Kumar is so dumb at work and a real coward" , so in that case Prakash
and Ravi will be the STAR of attraction and by the time they question you, we have OUT OF OFFICE to our rescue :)!

Mr.L - "Oh yes. the Loo... switch of the lights above and sleep there".....ewwwww is what i said.

Mr.E - Well, there are specific rooms for meeting, concall, server, many more and each of them has a backdoor leading to somewhere, so hurry up there and enter front door along with jobless colleagues, sit and gossip and leave out thru the back door! - Brilliant! :)

Mr.S - "If there is some cute gal next to your den, then try to jam or pull a chord or wire or dismantle some of her phone and network connections, so that you can get to her rescue" - as he said this aloud the cute gal opposite to him gave a dirty glare...I left the place - AMEN :)!

Mr.S - Oh the Stairs are the best place to kill, walk up and down and burn a few calories...and yu get to see some staircase romance if you are lucky ! Gulp!

Mr.M - Check out if any of your colleagues have left with PC unlocked, if so then run along and add everyone you know in BCC and send a mail stating his resignation from the company - now i know why my manager was fuming the other day.

Mr.E - Am the team lead, so all I do is call for a meeting of all my sub ordinates and tell them they have made a heck of the job and ask for updates, if they don't have any thing to report, I start appraisal discussion. Its so much fun when they talk seriously - I went Red!

Mr.N - Make a big crap noise from your co-worker's cubicle and when everyone turns around to see , point fingers at him and ask " Dude, what yu upto? "

Mr.O - Well, go around and make lip movements to your co-worker and when he yells back in frustration” What" , then tell him " Mate, Yu ought to check your ears" - now that’s Grrrrrr

Mr.W - Order Pizza and give your colleagues contact number and info :)! - Swell :)!

Or one of my co-workers even sent me a cartoon on how to organise your desk... this one!

Now its me.... Plenty of options...just as me, there are many funny and adorable people out there who post blogs in the name of comedy (sry my frnds lol ) , so check their blogs...they are

Archana , Meow , Chriz, Niranjana , Manju ,Shruti , Venky , Benny , ZB , Swati ,Bindu ,
A S, Ekta ,Vishnu , Blunt Edges ,Srivatsan., Neha, Rohini , Guria,Sa_t_ish,R S V .. and the list cud go on if you check my followers and i suggest yu guys read these blogs to kill time as they are the best entertainers in the town..... :)

Now pls no false impressions that am jobless..! just my Time Off in Lieu :)!

Friday, September 11, 2009

PoLiCe StOrY...

Sunday morning and as usual we had booked a ticket in Sathyam Cinemas so Gokul and me were off for it. We started for the movie Veerasamy, but unfortunately T Rajendar movies had so much graphics and was taken in iMax cameras and 3D that Sathyam's theatre was not compatible and was not put up there. So we had to console ourself with another tormentor in Tamil cinema - Ilaya Mokaipathy Vijay. As Mr.Gokul had crashed my heavy duty bike to a lamp post previous night ( thinking it was a beautiful damsel and trying to impress her) , We had to steal my friend Cyril's bike key whilst he was snoring.

As we set out on the busy Mount Road , we both were excellent bikers and so just to prove to Gokul am better of him i went racing thru all the bends GP style until i realised i had zoomed past the red light, and did'nt realise chennai cops were so quick to react...a mama (cop) who was having his coconut in the shade jumped onto the road spreading his hands and started jumping left and right( it was so much of a funny sight) to stop us. So I had to pull over and immediately he took the keys. Following is the conversation...

Cop : Did you see the signal?

Me : Yes anna(bro)...(shit i shud hav called him mama at least)

Cop : Anna? are yu mad? why did yu ride past the signal?

Me : Sorry, Sir... ( i got sweaty) As i am suffering from fever, please could you....

Cop : Stupid! Am i your class teacher? Padichavan thane nee?( Are'nt you guys educated? )

Gokul : Sir, yes we got the Driving License education and only then got the license. ( apparently intelligent Gokul thought if the cop's asking abt the License exam)

Cop and Me stare at Gokul...

Cop : Idiot, am asking if you are literate enough to study the traffic signs!! Anyways do you have the papers?

We both in chorus(pointing each other) : He has ! and then we look dumbfounded as we forgot to get it from Cyril..

Cop : Well now that adds up the crime, pay up and leave..( in his hand he shows 2..meaning 200 bucks)

Gokul : Sir, i have seen the rules in the internet, we have to pay up a fine of only 400 for this innocent offence.

Cop : So , yu guys know the rules eh? fine then pay up 1000rs and then as today is Sunday no mobile court, collect your vehicle tomorrow..thats for talking rules to me!

Me to Gokul : " Great you Moron...see what you have done now..." , After much pleading, the cop would'nt agree and we had to pay the fine...which we did not have so we called up the bike owner Cyril to come over.... he obviously was fuming and came in another bike and brilliantly without a helmet.. Now as we gave the money to the Cop

Cop to Cyril : Well, Well..where is your helmet..?

We all stare at each other....

Cop : Pay up all the fine and leave before i dig out your criminal records...

We had to pay up finally 1500rs of fine as we sped the signal, no papers and no helmet!!! Lousy day indeed!!

Friday, September 4, 2009

tOoTh fAiRy

I remember the day when I was off to the dentist to get my tooth pulled out....waz bcos hav been eating too many chocolates lately and a deep cavity quickly developed. So it appeared my tooth cannot be rescued.

Well, I was very surprised to see two lovely ladies in the clinic, which is usually run by an old doc, apparently they were getting knowledge transfer it seems, lucky for me! So the clinic being very professional, I had to register to the beautiful receptionist gal sat in the front, by giving her the details of my tooth problem. so as usual I started to blah blah with her... and she matched my frequency very much I guess, so after some time of rubbish talk, I sat, awaiting to be called upon. There was an Old woman as well nearby who was trying to register amidst our talk, not sure if she did in the end.

I was thanking my lucky stars when I came to know that even the dentist who had to work on me was a gal as well, she was equally pretty and very much co-operative :) and we started the kadalai ( blah blah between a gal and a boy in tamil) ! .

So the pre-tooth plucking activity was quite simple and i had soooo much time to get to know her and came to know she was from the neighbourhood. I started dreaming ...and I think even she was very much attracted to me as she was leaning over me with much interest and appeared to be fascinated (ever since this
click here event i have started brushing thrice a day :) ).

She beamed at my mouth with her eyes and I thought she saw the entire universe in my mouth like Lord Krishna when he opened his mouth to his mom.I noticed that the old woman was in the same room with another Dentist.

As she started to clean my teeth, i had a loud ARGHHHHHHH nearby, apparently i figured the old woman had a hostile nurse, But then she started yelling " My..pheeeet...O MY Pheeeet" , Me and my dentist both started looking at her feet, thinking if something fell on her, and yeah she awfully has a small feet...5? we both nodded understandingly(is there a word as such?) .

She started to shout at the top of her voice "aw ..eww...owww" , i thought she left two more vowels :)! The she moaned that she had come for cleaning her teeth!! There was complete staring for a min, then we all realised what happened!

The Head Dentist came in and started yelling at receptionist gal and both these newbiez .The old woman was cursing to lose her only left behind tooth(which was with cavity any way) I just sat quietly.

Finally all tensions ceased, i got my tooth pulled out and went over to the receptionist gal to err.. ahem! ahem :) ! But i got the dirtiest glare ever! Wonder wat she meant by that.
P.S: - Please always read the disclaimer of MY blog... :)