Friday, August 29, 2014

Corporate Kirukal : What is Bench??

If you are in a software company, you would probably be able to relate much easier, please do read on if you are not.The post is a tribute and insight to lakhs of people who are not assigned in a project and wander around the organization in search of one.
OK, how do you find them?

  • Easily the first place to look out would be the cafeteria, would be empty without them,
  • HR fun events like “Lemon on the spoon, Merry go round mela, Rangoli competition ( If you see guys helping the girls, then definitely they are from Bench)!
  • The first ones to leave the building and last to enter in the mornings
  • Probably the ones with less outlook traffic, as the only emails would be from internal circulation.
  • The ones with the lowest notice/service period, they are sent out within a week of quitting.
  • If you come across any GATE/GRE/CAT books in the lobby, cubicle these guys are not far away.
  • Three people sharing one desktop, they are the ones who are made to share space!

                The term came into picture thousands of years ago and research points to “Mahabharata”. Remember Kauravas, the 100 brothers led by Duriyodana and Duchadana? Yes, rumor has it that all other 98 brothers were placed on bench by the great saint Veda Vyasa and call it either non-performance, lack of opportunity to prove oneself or sheer coincidence they were executed in kurushetra or in management terms performance appraisal time. 

Coincidence: The coincidence is remarkable and cannot be shrugged off easily. Fast forwarding to current scenario we see bulk of Software professionals in Bench, not knowing why they are and wondering where to go next. The organization makes use of them in every possible way; they are sometime the testers, then a developer, all of a sudden in production support, creating reports, Kings of Excel, Power point presenters. The same way in Mahabararata, the 98 Kauravas were bent to every possible vacancy within ; swordsman, archer, gambler and finally had to nod along with whatever Duriyodana decides in the similar way our modern day professionals agree to whatever is being asked by the organization/management to do so. 

                There are various other assumptions from the society, they are sometimes considered to be incompetent and of not much use. However let me quote an example, take for instance in a movie or a song we see the hero and heroine dancing or performing a scene, we see various side artists in the screen as well. As the scene demands they keep walking from left to right, talking on the phone, sometimes get beaten up (poor fellas), however the movie is not complete without them. Folks in bench are like them, you see them every day, but they remain anonymous and important to the organization.

                To sum up with a punch dialogue “Employees in Bench are like the bunch of coins in your wallet, waiting to be used! Not at the right time, but eventually”


Thursday, May 29, 2014

Infosys to be baptized as Outfosys:

Infosys to be baptized as Outfosys:

Ok, am much inspired by this fakingpost website and think that if at all one day my company were to sack me, i might find some job there... trying some dumb humor around. So where was I... yeah, to start with a satirical post on the current trends :)

                India’s biggest Software Company Infosys is looking to get back at its profitable ways by adopting astrology and current market trends as its strategy. After quite a number of Brainstorming sessions with the middle level management (as most of the top level management have left, excluding Narayana Murthy and his Gurkha), a collective conclusion was made to consult the astrologers for regaining its momentum. And the unanimous decision was to get Baba Ramdev’s piece of advice, who in turn suggested a change in the name of the company.

                Statistically speaking, this is the tenth top level exit from the company since Narayana Murthy staged a comeback from his retirement. Sources reveal that Narayana Murthy was the Michael Schumacher of Software, as ever since his comeback, things have only slowed down. There was pretty much no difference apart from that, Schumacher used Mercedes whilst Murthy used vintage ambassador.

                The other bothering fact which ridicules the shareholders is the amount of Political influence on its top management with already two of the bosses(Nandan Nilekani and V Balakrishna) participating in 2014 elections. As leaders of innovation, the talk is about secret projects that were commissioned during the Lok Sabha elections to surge the electoral campaigning which resulted in more idle time for the contracted US projects.

To be CEO; BG Srinivas’s resignation means that the company will have to continue on the dry run of a topless Company without a CEO at the helm. Though trade analysts are penning at the fact that it’s an inside strategy from Infosys to save the bulk compensation paid to the CEO, this is sending mixed responses to the company’s security guards, who now do not know who to salute. Without a proper union or a forum to address this issue at hand, the junior programmers are now trying to hack their way into becoming the CEO, as the designation is left empty without a resource to align.

Come June1, the company’s transition will start with a new name “OUTFOSYS” a strategy developed by Business electromagnets to reorganize the company’s current fiasco. The company will be holding a press conference for its entrusted shareholders and the stocks are expected to double and perform bullishly on June1. Hopefully they are aware that June1 is Sunday and share market is closed.

-Unofficial Press Statement ( Makes it official?)

Thursday, May 15, 2014

eLeCtIoN MaNiAc

                Election euphoria is on an all-time high, and we at cartoonists are committed to give the best entry exit and intermission poll expectations. This is virtually a mastermind of my impeccable and catastrophic imagination run wild, so just imagine the following personalities in ministerial avatars


If not him, who else? He is the best campaigner of his own Kathakali party and with a sarcasm that can give Jim Carrey a run for his money; he is the best guy around. He has all the qualifications of an upcoming minister, for they jump from 7th floor of one party to 8th floor of the other and this guy has already shown his potential from humor bowling to being a vivid contestant for Jhalak Dikhala Jaa.

    Poonam Pandey:
Yes, the same open minded lass who quipped to go back to the era of “Caveman” by shedding her clothes (does she wear them anyway!), If Indian team wins the world cup! There is some solid rumor that Congress party has been desperate in roping her, so that she could do the twitter item song yet again and woo some voters. And FYI and FYA, no photographs of Poonam here for i was unable to find even one post-able through the terabytes of Google Images.

     Rakhi Sawant:

Slapping and kicking is a pattern at Parliament these days and yes in public meetings as well. Even before the Harbhajan-Sreesanth slap fiasco came in, this quite little girl from ex-Bollywood was in the news for avidly slapping her former boyfriend for kissing in public. Well, so a potential candidate indeed.

Arnab Goswami:
When I saw the movie “Vaaiyai Moodi Pesavum” ( close your mouth and talk), immediately this chap into my thoughts, for he thinks his biggest weapon till date is his mouth, and the deep resonance sound that emerges from that salivatic volcano. But a close search on google can show plenty of Arnab spoofs and if you wanna be a politician you need both! Sure shot on the list

T. Rajendar:
His speeches are terrifying, the bass he sets is unbelievably resounding and more importantly he can produce multiple sounds through his borewell mouth which hides beneath the Amazon beard. He might make a mockery of his own, but his entrance will shudder the opposite parties without a doubt and he is sure in the list of highly reputed comedians. Err politicians.

How about this, man preaches and preaches and suddenly falls for the peaches. Well, he is one of the best candidates when it comes to safety, for if he comes to power he will abolish all imported/exported and handmade candid cameras in India. And that would be his entire election manifesto. So why not!

I don’t know who or where this person is, but definitely ought to catch him/her, drag on to the assembly. For the popularity gained by sree.Whatsappji is bigger than what sunny leone’s google search is. So anyone?

Sunday, April 27, 2014

55 Fiction - 2 oF uS

Ah lazy Sunday afternoon, I was going through all the blogs of my fellow bloggers and see that they have matured over time, leaving me far behind in what was supposed to be called as blogger world. So enough of this writers block already, I stood up and went down the hallway to take a refreshing bath to clear my mind before I start blog blahhing, well Chennai’s water shortage played spoilsport and so here am I yapping away this 55 fiction amidst all filth and freshness, so yes if this blog leaves you with absolute confusion… blame Chennai metro water

55- fiction – 2 of us

"We never seemed to like each other
Never could we agree on anything for we were bound by selfimposed morals
The world saw us as opposite pieces of God’s creation
Now after thousands of years
Chaos of greed has brought us together
We exist within you and I as one,
We are Good and Bad! "

Well, you may ask why the picture of "Lord of rings smeagol"? Who better than this weird looking amigo to describe the good and bad that lies deep within us! 
Right, the sun has really got into me now!! water... water...!