SaNtA BaNtA & 55eR

I studied in a christian school where Christmas celebration is bliss.Long back when I was a kid ( doesn't mean am old now) , during one Christmas eve I remember this particular comic incident and mega tragedy. My head PT master dressed up as Santa and started throwing in Chocolates to all the kids, as usual me a choc maniac grabbed as much as I can and tucked in my pocket. Once the bag of chocolates got over(though there were many kids), our Mr.Santa blasted HO HO HO across the hall.

So I gave idea to the kids that Santa has hidden a couple of chocolates in his tummy. So as the leader of the pack, we invaded Santa's stomach. I hate to tell how the red outfit changed in few mins. I had to come to school after Christmas as a token of love punishment - Cleaning the mess.

And a dumb 55er to keep you all lazy busy fizy dizzy .
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Rita turned around, Rahul was least bothered.

Rahul was full of dreams, Let him dream - angrily she took the weapon!

She would make him listen to her!

All her energy and shouting in vain,

She wanted to teach him a lesson!!

She moved to beat him

It was time!

BUZZZZ ! Rahul picked his school bag and left

Merry Christmas everyone :)

55 FiCtIoN - PuNcH

I have mastered the art of disappearing very easily. One of the reasons why I disappeared from the blogs ville for some time. My Dad used to take me to the exhibition when I was a kid and I used to hide somewhere .My Dad would go nuts in search of me. This went on for sometime until once, he did the same thing and I got scared to hell.

Because I watch a lot of Kollywood movies this is a masala kind of introduction to show the masses that am Back from rehab and will start to haunt and tickle you all.

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Chance ! This was his only chance

All his hard work , put to test

The punch could change his day

He lunged forward with fear,

His hands sweaty as they got ready to punch heavily

He looked at his target and strained his brain

A mental pressure than a physical one

He Punched the 4 digits on the ATM

"Invalid Pin"

55 FiCtIOn - DrEaDeD PaCkAgE !

Yet another 55 fiction which denotes am very jobless but quite busy at the same time.

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With great difficulty and, sweating profusely he completed his climb

The burden enormous enough to rip his pant apart!

The arc shaped package in front, haunted him

Fate as it was, He repented for developing it

He tried hiding it in vain..

But this was the reason, he had grabbed attention

His FAT STOMACH!
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For all my plump amigos, nothing wrong in being fat :)! Its why you stand apart... no offence meant though if some one did get annoyed, I would suggest to get angry at the blog author who is blabbering right now.

sOrRy

On this special occasion I would like to thank and say sorry to so many people , who in spite of their best efforts failed but succeeded in me.

Sorry to ,

My Pre.K.G teacher - As I had ripped apart your hair and left you bald when you taught me how to shake head whilst reciting rhymes.

My 2nd std GK mam - For the number of times you tried teaching me how to do "kneel down punishment. "

My Games sir - You thought I had good arm power, but I was just throwing the ball here and there for you to run and fetch.

My Gymnastics mam - Sorry It was my banana peel with which you slipped.

My English sir - Angrily you said "Shit" , and I bribed the whole class to blackmail you by complaining this to Headmaster.

My Karate Sir - For throwing bricks at you to see if your head is as strong as your hand!

My Painting master - It was me who hung the cartoons of you around the school. Am sorry the portrait had half moustache.

My Biology mam - For asking inappropriate questions during appropriate reproductive classes.

My Math sir - How I never understood the Differentiation between Integration in Trigonometry of Theorems - Phew what an Algebra!

My Chemistry Sir - For pouring dilute acids in your tvs 50 petrol tank and the number of conical flasks which I broke trying to balance them with a testube.

My College prof - You tried your best to put me in different benches, yet the dreams continued in your classes.

My Blogger Gurus - In spite of all your hard thought blog posts, yet i post a dumb comment :)!

My Friend - The best teacher of all, If it was not for my friend... I would never be what I am!

Because I used to over perform right from my childhood, all my class teachers expect a little ahead of Teachers day!

Guess the amount of pranks you all did are no less. Please do share! :)

ThE sTrOkE

Before you all proceed with reading the post, my deepest condolence to Leo who has always been around me, all the time, in different forms , right from my childhood. Its a pity you have left me
LeO - click here

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Came the defining moment

Through his Life, this particular second could change things

So quick it came, before he realized what he had to do

"The Stroke" ...! and then he held his chest immediately

He was full of sweat, maybe dehydrated

It was over in a flash

The batsman played the stroke of last ball .

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Leo was my pet mosquito who I trained personally , for biting my friends until I shook hands with Leo once and that was the end.

rEcYcLe

First - am sorry fellas for a terribly late post and haven't been around in your space lately, and if I quote work, none of you are going to believe me including my seniors... hmm so a small thought and crack.. :
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Everyday tons of materials/stuff get thrown away, a short note about why and what are disposed after the end of its life...

Shoe - Because you get kicked, your feet grow faster than your brain , flicked in the temple..etc

Battery - Because you click photographs of your gal more than clicking the mouse, etc..

Clothes - Because girls want to look sexy and skimpy (not possible with traditional Indian wear ) , wardrobe is full, mom keeps on yelling .

Spectacles - Because I keep staring at the monitor 24x7 WORKING and you all are glued to social networking sites and chatting ( not a sarcastic "I")

Paper - Because the letters from cupid doesn't get poetic enuf to impress the dumb Blondie, Printing is free in office, etc..

Grandparents - Because they are all OLD, burden and of no help - a common scenario for people who leave and settle abroad

Plastic - Because the Plastic awareness is not as important as Aids, bottles are no good,

Aluminium foils - Because all the wrappers are homeless, the chocolates are tastier and not these, etc..

CD's - Because the movies are played in local channels the pirated CD's are no good, easier to download from freebie illegal sites than buy a CD..etc..

Tires - Because they are punctured heavily by driving back and forth to the shop less than a mile away

Well all of the above mentioned are capable of being recycled and that too very effectively. But it always is up to the individual to decide to recycle or not. LIFE is no different, everyone thinks they are wasted at a point of time, but the truth is... it is recyclable as well.

Am turning all pilisopical ( Wat's the spelling anyways) ... :)

ThE HaNd....!

tHe HaNd.....

That broke my toy , which I would have either way,

That put a needle where I sat,

That passed me the bit(answers) during exam and then pointed at me, so I get caught,

That pulled me to the movies when I wanted to study (novels),

That clapped when I fell down from the bike stunt in front of a babe,

That pushed me into the swimming pool with no water in it,

That swiped my credit card for all the treats and movies ,

That whistled when I got out for a duck,

That held my hand up for doubts, during sleepy lectures,

That punched my face when I said no to Beer,

That wiped my tears of for every onion I cut,

That can never let go of me, even if its 2012

That opens my blog page, even if its full of YAWN :D

Also the same hand which I can stomp over and yet ready to withstand the pain...

It belongs to all my friends , if not for you guys, am never here!! God Bless you all..!

pLaYbOy

Prologue

"When 6 guys run behind a gal, it means she is one hot good looking babe

When 6 gals run behind a guy, it means wait for the last part dude!"

I know the title can immediately make most of you to scroll down and have a peek of some pics from the playboy magazine. So its either the dirty minds of the readers :) or am trying to make my blog famous! Anyways hope my blog post turns up in google when some one tries to search for Playboy.

The below is a true hallucinating story from my college days. Had a huge fan club following me in most of the Social networking sites, try searching by the name Brad Pitt. ( "I" was not mentioned in the beginning of the sentence) . Anyways as said, I used to move my hands, legs and hips otherwise called as Dance. And because all the students in my college were from MJ ( Mokai Jockey) community, no one knew to dance. So I was very popular especially among the girls. So popular that I was chased by them constantly ( for a different reason entirely).

Then came Goo-coool ( Gokul ) .The cool headed guy he was, appeared from nowhere to take the girl population by a storm. His Voice was the talk of the town. It was so loud that , people use three layers of ear buds to hear it normally. One can imagine what will happen when he shouts. Anyways it was one Fine Wednesday evening when a group of good looking gals from my college were hunting for someone. Like Chandler I said "Save your time ladies, am just here" , but then they said something harsh in Japanese, hard enough for me not to reveal it.

They convinced me to bring Gokul to them, so finally I found him eating some leftover food in the hostel. When I told him that some of the cinema heroins were hunting for him and so the next moment he disappeared.

As I went by the lobby of our class I was shocked to find him surrounded by 6 most prettiest girls,( some of them read my blog .. so prevention) from my department .See the picture above. Immediately I realised my chemistry class lecture , something about boiling point, I felt it right in my stomach! I realised that there was a new Playboy in the college and I was dethroned! So I took a stroll out to regain my composure and came back to see what else was happening when I saw this.

Amen after that.

Moral & End notes : I was still the playboy . Later part of my story will not be revealed for security purpose. Please read the disclaimer if you are wondering where the truth is, in the above post! cyu fellas!

ThE OnE WiTh ThE PrOpOsAl

Each one has a different way of proposing. I strained my Kidney to think and find out the ways in which different people would propose. This is going to be a stupid post don't blame me for not reading my disclaimer.Then again all my posts are stupid and you guys read it, so never mind.

Terror Romeo Rajendran

For all Tamil speaking fans am sure you know the rhyme language of TR, here goes

I want to say
am not gay

I am sitting on a stove
so give me my love

You might look like my sister
But i want to be your mister

I might look like a gorilla
But i will take care of you don't worryla
if you say no then i will try for Shakelaaaaaaa

my son might be arasan (King)
but i want to be your purusan ( hubby)

Surya might have six pack
but none can beat my bag pack


ChRiZ Chronicwriter and mokai man

What Love? I am in love with my red underwear already, then what. Poda pani(pig in tamil).

Sundaram ( King of English speaking) Co inventor of Unexpected Power Supply (UPS)

I wand do make love to you, please do love me, all my life I think this thought in my mind, so please give me the pirst (f) love.

GoKuL ( Ace in Punctuation and Grammar) Pattasu

Dear, whether I am in love with you Don't think. others love you. more than My love, compared to others is nothing. Please like sundaram i also love you. Don't you love he? is also in love with . Accept!!

He meant to say,
Dear,am I in love with you? Don't think others love you more, my love. Its nothing compared to mine.
Please, like sundaram I also love you. Don't you love? He is also in love with someone.

SoIn

I freeee... love freeeee.... you freeee...

( I love his blogs so if he is angry then expect a dozen of swear words post from him).

HaRy
As I approach Penny ,the mood turns into a frenzy romantic mood with a background Ilayaraja song, I wear my branded Adidas shoes , Pepe Jeans and Red Polo shirt with an Oakley coolers. I stepped up to her to use all the words I learnt in GRE classes. Penny whirled around and looked at me and said " Two large Chicken Pizza's please".

Any of you have proposal stories? please do share the eggs & tomatos you had!

aDiDas - iMpoSsIBlE iS NoThInG

Sachin, Beckham, Sania Mirza, Broad.. the list goes on. Yes they were/are the brand ambassadors of the billion dollar German company Adidas.The caption Impossible is nothingcan easily be related to these stars,considering their hard work and stardom. But gradually Adidas realised they need to concentrate on personalities who match the caption, so they are in talks to sign off some of the real" Impossible to Possible" makers.

No 3 : Spectrum Raja

Raja... as the name suggests The King, and indeed he has proved that! Raja is the Environmental minister(supposedly the telecoms minister) who sold 2G spectrum at the price of Bread. Well when we have been hearing about MP's fraudulent activities for years and the usual figures are always in Crore's, but finally after all these years we have a winner , the scam almost a % of National GDP (60k crore..now stop counting the Zeroes, I gave up a while ago). Clearly a powerful contender for "Impossible is Nothing" , So Adidas approached Raja with a reasonable price, but Raja astonishingly agreed to sport the gear for 10rs. Well under the table is a headache, which the German giant is not aware. Earlier he was referred as Jungle Raja, then DMK Raja and now Spectrum Raja

No 2 : pAuL tHe OcToPuS... Fortune teller

For those of you who think that octopuses are nothing more than a 8 legged monster,Think again. Introducing Paul the fate decider. Over 50 years of football, and football has always been the show stealer during every world cup, but this year the Parrot and the Octopus stole the show. In India we do Holy Yagams for our cricket team to play well (in the pubs,clubs,with people's feeling) , the level of belief has gone to the next step. Paul's prediction finally paid off and he is now retiring, tired of the kicking he had to do. Adidas tried to design a footwear impressed by the Impossible prediction by Paul,but to their dismay Paul picked Nike. Poor Adidas should have sticked to designing footwear for sportstars. After watching all this I am now naming a price of 10k paise for the Octopus and if the owners are ready to sell, then am game for it. But only for 2 years as Paul is due to expire 2012 before the next football.

No 1 : Alfie the Oldest DAD

As we are all Adults (except me),I take this daring step to introduce Alfie Patten. For those who think he is just an other 13 year old, nope he is the father of Maisie Roxanne. Adidas tried to rope in with millions of Pounds with a lot of Tax waiver, but poor Alfie hardly knows how much nappies cost, does not even understand the word TAX. Now the question is will they join the same school together? If Maisie cries and so does Alfie, then its as Father as Kid!! Surely this deserves to be the first in "Impossible is Nothing" Category. For in a small part of India when the Biology teacher started the class with the lesson " Reproduction... organs..", blah blah.. the kid shut his ears saying " Siva Siva". The kid is now the great blogger of this post. ( Note : No sarcasm means truth) . Anyways hope Maisie ( baby of Alfie ) does not get married before Alfie does. Check the video for a exclusive interview with the Father of the Millennium. Oh and Happy Father's day :) !

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4EOx2A_qVQg&feature=related

Oh and I forgot to mention, I declined the offer from Adidas long time ago.

ChEmIsTrY.....!

Prologue : H2SO4 + me = Blabber

When we talk about chemistry, a lot of things zooms across, like hints development ( though i really did not understand that term until I failed in English-2) .

I tried to give a complex definition of Chemistry like Aamir does in 3 Idiots, but I didn't quite have a good dialogue writer, so let me stick to my basic nonsense. So let me relate an incident which happened in school days. Days I mean, when I did not bunk school - Sorry fellas it was to my bro who will disagree.

Chemistry is a tiny little alcoholic benzene subject, but fellas it's also something that works between a stupid boy and a very studious girl. Why... Let me explain,

My Chemistry teacher was Charles Durai, he was more of a Charles Durrr.. Because of the durr he produced. Anyway it was in my Tenth std when Chemistry labs were introduced. I was the class representative because of the leadership qualities exhibited by me (giving proxies to friends, games periods, and beatings from class teacher on behalf of other classmates..etc .. accolades). And Penelope had the same straits so she was the girls representative and assistant to me.

The whole class (bribed by me) thought we had a pleasant chemistry between us. Note : The title of this post is Chemistry, so you'll find chemistry tons of time between. We had beautiful times, called as the Golden Era . The Golden Era will be a separate post, so watch for it. In order to impress her I would do weird stuff, now even Blogs are one of them.

Because Penny was very sweet she offered here record notes and other stuff to carry me, obviously she shud be crazy abt me as well. Quite a couple of sessions later in our chemistry labs, I was still not able to find in which test tube Alcohol is placed. As I figured Methanol and Ethanol were there, Alcohol should be some where around. Being the perfect scenario one day, Penny was all dressed up like an output for a high volume reaction, like Magnesium burning in dry ice ( To prove I really studied my chemistry book).

So somehow I seated myself near her, with an attempt to make the chemistry work in the chemistry class taught by the chemistry professor. As our Professor began his lullaby, I heard Ilayaraja music in my ears. She took the test tube from me and started the experiment. It was a team experiment and I had shooed away the rest, in order to make the chemistry works b/w us. Sweet as she is, noticed me not listening to the class and moved away from me. I reckon Shyness perhaps.

As we started our experiment she asked so many things to me “pass me dil.hcl, Co2, Dil.H2So4..Blah blah blah..." , I hardly listened as I was reaching my melting point. One point, then she yelled “CONCENTRATE", startled I poured the Conc.H2So4 in the half mixed liquid and POP... BLAST...I do not even want to share how I looked. Whatever was is in that, did not like the sulphur. I could see she had reached the boiling point now. RIP HaRy ..!

Note: If there are grammar and any other English mistakes, do not forgive me as I learned it from you guys! :) And as my disclaimer says, the above is fiction... so pls refrain from imagination.

55 FiCtIoN - CrAsH

Most of you know what 55 fiction means. It means nothing, a bunch of letters formed into a set of words, compiled to a sentence and the sentence formed to a paragraph of good for nothing fiction which does not mean anything but something. If I dont stop here, no one will read the actual post... so go ahead read it pleaseee... dont mind me

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One Fine morning and a big CRASH

It was RED everywhere

Hell broke lose and there was complete chaos everywhere

Everyone ran around wild with fear

Recovery seemed very bleak

Some were screaming on the phone as well

It will be a day to forget for many

Headlines " Biggest Stock Market Crash of the year"

SaLe....

These days am having so many ideas to write that I could not find even one to post it up. Anyways so I made some digging in the Internet where there are plenty of weirdos like us.

So instead of a long and boring post I thought ll share a recent article which I came across.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1288402/For-sale--My-Yiddishe-Momma-Family-list-Jewish-grandmother-eBay-bid-husband.html

Now the son has mentioned his mother is adorable,affectionate,lovely,hard worker ...blah blah blaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Oh yes agree, so as per the rules of eBay once an item is sold to the highest bidder, it means SOLD. So any of you having lousy MOM's out there, can bid. It takes so much of the generous factor to sell of your mom.

The bid was placed at a opening price of £1 and the highest it reached was £1.60 ,and her son has framed the woman to be priceless. Can he even insult her more? and the Item condition is mentioned to be USED....OMG!!! A Perfect mother's day gift indeed.

Never realised how broadminded people can be... sniff sniff :(! Happy weekend fellas , ll be back with a much better ribtickler next time.

WhO iS tHe BeSt FiT....!

Yet another post on fitness and the aero-dynamic bodies!There is an other message at the end of this post as well :) !Each one of us aim to build a physique so that our profile pic on facebook has so many comments, some of us tend to work out till the gym lights go out.(me)

So I have put up some of the pictures of the celeb's/models/people/actors whom we try to imitate and work out.
ArNoLd :

His physique has been the dream for so many for decades. In this attempt they even try to pose with underwear's regardless of the body they build, like the next wannabe.Plenty of aspirants out there don't know how to pronounce his surname, but they still are a Arnold wannabe.

SuRyA : This Guy brought a revolution in the Tamil movie industry, his six pack in Varnam Ayiram made several South Indian actors and people all over south India to work out heavily. My six pack is duly dedicated to Surya as he charged me up with his diet and physique. Note : There is no humor in my statement,so that makes it true.

KaReEnA : Size zero means Zero marks in a relationship, after the big zero she gave to Shahid

she turned her focus towards something called Size Zero Pepsi bottle label shape. Most of the women hood practice being Kareena. Oh I mean in giving Zeroes in relationships... not the body

TeRrOr RoMeO RaJeNdAr : Easiest shape to build, now that's what you might think. But this youngster (he claims himself in an interview) has been trying to bring this shape ever since his old age :) ! Rumor is that Tsunami broke out years earlier when he started to worked out in the mid of Indian Ocean.Known as Single Pack Tsunami!

AaMiR : 8 Packs of steroids...I mentioned that by mistake sorry. OK, Aamir

's Ghajini look made all the aunties go GAGA and soak in jollu.

cApTaIn : He is known as The Captain in TN after his

heroic fight against Pakistan terrorists, Election disruptor's,gundas, and old ladies. In order to fight against the evil you ought to build a shape that terrorizes the opponent and he perfectly carved himself.He was the oldest trend setter in Cops academy that, its not mandatory for cops to be fit.

wHo : Probably the one physique or shape that we all never desire, nor did the kid.
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50 ! wHo'z cOnTeNt

Well I thought ll try doing some informative humour instead of my usual blabber...

Politician - I have 3000 crore in my benami and fraudulent a/c's.
--> What do I want: More money, Another MP seat to screw yu , but remember its by the people, to the people for the people.
-->Blame: Opposition party, aam janata, The rich and mortal farmers.

IT felon - I earn 5 lakh per anum and wear Adidas shoes, multiplex, Weekend parties, Free abroad trips, Monkey,Bunji and company jumping/year.

-->What do I want : More, More, More .. Money, Car, Babe, money..money..money
-->Blame : Damn the company, manager and everyone for not givin me hike, claims, onsite!

Cricketer - I own a Hummer, Whole country on my ass, babes, $$$$$, and best of all I don’t get to pay tax.

-->What do I want: Hundred or Duck, I want my butt in the team and no criticism from media nor you public morons.
-->Blame: ooo IPL money hurts, my back, my groin, my injuries, Media, My Bat, ball, Australian team, catching!

I - "Look at him, wanna be like him"
He: " I wanna be like them"
They : " I want, I want, I want..."

HaRy Blogger - I have 49 posts with sarcasm and so called humour.
-->What does he want: Wanna be like J K Rowling, Chetan , without any creativity.
-->Blame : Busy work, taking too much stress, Blah Blah..., Recession ( don’t know why!)

Boy in Pic - Newspaper morning, washing cars, bring tea, posters, night street side shops.
-->What does he want : I want to study, I want to play, I want to laugh, I want a shirt.
-->Blame: who?..Brahma? The creator?

We have so much in Life we never realise how gifted we are... Live the moment and relish with what you have.

Finally I've managed to write 50 posts without any ranting, rumbling and no nonsense about myself. Thank you my dear blog buddies, for bearing my blah blah and much more to come!

Happy weekend fellas

oF CaLoRiEs & WeIgHt...!

Two of my favourite bloggers - Neha and Bindu(better known as Insignia - http://spice-n-ice.blogspot.com/) , Neha has already written a guest post in my blog and now its Insignia's turn :)! so she whirled around with quite a post which I always used to have nightmares of.... Thanks Bindu... exactly the post I was planning to write...:)!

How many of you have been elated reading your weight and satisfied with your kgs? Raise your hands....No cheating!! Be honest.

Not many eh? Is it not each one's secret desire to lose weight? I guess the most hated machinery in this world would be the poor little weighing machine.It is a technological marvel. Why not? That poor little machine can earn the wrath of so many people, it could witness jubilation or it could get cursed. Now which other machine has this privilege?

Almost everyone has that intense desire to shed some flab, lose weight. What with the fashion world claiming size zero is the in-thing!! But there's a slim chance, or should I say a FAT chance that most of us would reach the desire body weight!! But hey!! what is the harm in trying?

Talking about the emotions that arises, you could see all types and forms of expressions. There's some qualm always before stepping onto the weighing machine. Nervous, you close your eyes with hope and silently pray that the needle points to the number you want it to. And then you reluctantly look down to read the scale, first there is denial!! How can it be!! Then despair, anger and frustration. And abuses and curses to the weighing machine first.

You question its precision and genuineness and then realization pours in. You then start cursing the devil in you which taunted you to gorge on those cheesy snacks and those chocolate cakes. All the while, the poor weighing machine earnestly looks for some appreciation for being honest. But what it gets is a stare!!

And most times, we believe that the machine is not right, so we tend to calibrate it manually by slightly adjusting ourselves until the needle reads to what we desire. And very rare is the jubilation and excitement of having achieved what we wanted. Oh yeah!! its short lived though. Weight is like a boomerang, it always comes back to you!!

Sometimes the machine adds few kilos as a compliment and sometimes it gives you discount. Discount is what is preferred here. I recently came across a joke where the lady in question removes everything from her shoes until she is almost nude to get her weight right. You see; the shoes, the dress are all 'accessories' which hinders you from getting your correct reading.

Few of my friends step onto the weighing machine and protect the secret magic number so much so that you feel that the number is a secret code to an enormous amount of wealth. Few people believe that weight changes with season, so they tend to weigh themselves in their favorable season. Few others believe counting your calorie intake might keep check on your weight. Fine!! but is it only yours or others as well, even if they didn't want to?

This is what happened at a recent birthday celebration of two of my team members. One of them had lost 26 kilos by hook or by crook. There were cakes cut and this man instead of gorging on his cake, kept commenting about how much calorie would that piece of cake have. It was really disturbing, couldn't gorge on those cakes. It was short lived, as we later ignored and treated ourselves.......

None giving a thought about the weights or the calories :-) 

 PS : Thank you for reading everyone. A few comments on this post made me realize that people are thinking Hary wrote this; but I am the author of this post. Its a guest post by me - Insignia :-)

Do Or DiE...55 FiCtIoN

My attempt on 55 fiction continues, wonder if I fail or just a cheeky pass as in my semesters, yet here you go fellas...
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Afternoon it was, My God!

The longer he controlled himself, the more he suffered

He sweated profusely as he felt a pit down his stomach

It was no Do or Die, only Die

So finally, he eased himself for a better collapse

The eerie silence @ work haunting him

"Drrrrrrrr Burrrrrrrr" , out came the Fart !

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Based on a true fictional incident, as and when related to me by one of my friend Sai ( Am yet to write an post on this comedian)... I pity his colleagues.

SeReNaDe sPiRiT - 77 FiCtIoN

All you funny people, I bring to you Neha (http://www.nehasilam.com/)... yes Nehatrix and Nehasilam... she is the one! I always think of her as a Blog factory as she keeps sending in new blogposts at regular intervals, and God knows how many more this Mumbai marathon can write..., wish her my best! This is the first guest post in my blog ..Thanks Neha :D ,Enjoy fellas!

"She had always heard about Ghosts staying in Serenade Mansion, but her heart believed Alex more than anybody else. After all, it belonged to Alex, whom she was to marry next month on 14th February, 1995.

On their wedding night, Lisa stepped in Serenade with Alex for the first time. The mansion was abnormally quiet and dark. Slightly scared, she looked at Alex. But all she could see was a portrait that said:

Alex Francis (1965-1990) "

eNgLiSh....!

The language English evolved during the earlier days of humanity. To this day it remains the official spoken language of the world. English as my Thala Rajinikath says "I can walk English,I can talk English..." and so it has been bent to the necessity. Leave alone the accents and Colloquial style of it there are other clowns in the world who have formatted it in a vivid way. Some of them

T. Rajendar ( Terror Romeo Rajendar)

Half of my non-Tamil speaking friends, please forgive me to introduce him. He is a Romeo of all sorts and truly the heart throb of the girls.His aduku mozhi ( so called rhythmic pattern) is a very common disease in Tamil Nadu and one of the reasons why all this Punch dialogues evolved. Just look at the video and you will understand why, enough blogs have been written about him , so I'd rather refrain from boring you guys.

Sundaram ( from the post - My Amigos) English

My Dear most friend of all time, his English has evolved and sent tremors up to New England. The important aspect in his English is his word replacement. When you pose a question and if he doesn't know the answer his Emergency hormone comes to the rescue. So he comes up with the alternate answer. In the Electronics class during college he was asked " What is UPS" and he bluntly answered "Unexpected Power Supply" . That is totally unexpected. He loves watching English movies because of ENGLISH and not English kiss its one of the ways to make himself perfect(in speaking I mean).

I have given him advice many a time, that is because I have written so many blogs and not one of you have complained my grammar and English and blah blah blah...! The last movie he saw was "Englishkaaran ", I found out it was a Tamil movie :( ! He has many fans from my blog and please check the links to laugh more about him

http://ribtickle.blogspot.com/2010/01/sundaram-continues.html

http://ribtickle.blogspot.com/2010/04/little-mastersundaram.html

Jeppiar English

Jeppiar English is a very widely known concept in Tamil Nadu. There were too many forwarded emails , but nobody knows the origin. It came from the great Jeppiar himself. If you don't believe me try to search Jeppiar in google and you'll know. He is a very powerful man in Chennai. He was also the source for the famous line in Chennai28 movie " Thambi, did you choose Bowling or Fielding" after spinning the toss on the field.

Some excerpts ,which most of you know, yet always a pleasure to let it be written.

“No ragging this college. anybody rag we arrest the police”

One of his famous sayings “girl girl talk,boy boy talk, but no boy girl talk”.

You, meet me behind the class. (meaning AFTER the class .. )

Both of u three, get out of the class.

You, rotate the ground four times…

All of you, stand in a straight circle.

There is no wind in the balloon.

And the most famous dialogue of all time - "I talk, he talk, why you middle middle talk?" .

HaRy English

Now finally this is the art of perfecting ( there is a word right?) . So those who have a flair for English, suggest you to follow my blog closely , because it has numerous ways of how not to write. So based on which you can write correctly.

sHe..!

@ 1, I woke up the owls , crying through the night.

@ 3, I would swallow everything around me except food.

@ 7, I would not leave to school giving the easiest reason available - dysentery

@10, I had grades in the shapes of a coin and pencil.

@14, I never listened to anyone, except Rajinikanth.

@17, I passed out of school as FIRST from last.

@19, I had abundance of letters sent - from my college to home to take critical action on me.

@21, I had a job - Spend my Dad's savings.

@24, I managed to get salary ,thanks to an IT company, but spent all by myself

@25, I call home once in a week quoting "work pressure"

All this and still she stood by me. And I assume its the same with all of you out there.Couple of days late, but yet every day is " Mothers day"

-----------------Priceless gift this pic-----------------------------------
This picture is a click from one my friend Sai... who's trying to be a PRO by copying my pictures, so please assume yourself who the picture belongs to

SaTaN.....aNd We

Lately some where in YouTube, I happened to see this Church of Satan and started to check out some bits. I came to know Satan is a very good person / spirit or whatever. Now why do I say that, well hmmmm as most of you would know the story of Satan. He was called as Lucifer and couple of days ago (because some one told me that if its a year here its a day in spiritual world) .

So our hero thought its easy to overpower God and devised a plan, to join forces with all those bored of God and eventually got big mokai and was banished from heaven. So from then on the Devil came into existence in the form of serpent, monster, like the Onida TV ad. That's the theory from Christianity.

Although now Dan Brown might think ancient history is depicted wrong and the satanic cults existed from Louis XIV in France and until Hitler's Nazi army. Its almost like biasing the statement of a great blogger ( OK me!) Well personally I think Satan/Devil is cool. He chose to rebel against God to proclaim himself. At least he was truthful in what he wanted.

So sometimes he is often referred as the Fallen Angel, the Devil who bribed Eve into a bite of Apple thereby making bringing about huge profits to Calvin Klein, Landmark, Raymond and many more Apparels. Well then he is also responsible for the porn industry to raise, if Eve had not bitten the apple I doubt there would be any confused teen who would glue up all night for a naked pic of Paris Hilton on the web.

Anyways finally I remember why I wanted to write this blabber, yeah Satan is kool. You know why? !

This world is full of people of two types. One - those who Believe in God, Two - Non believers and then came the third kind - Sin in the name of God! The great GOOGLE does not even seem to have a single acronym for this! No wonder these kind of people are powerfully placed ! These people tend to confuse between being clever and barbaric. A Classic example is a modern day Swami and easily spotted Nithyananda Swami. Apparently he thought the Gods were outdated in technology and were full of myth with principles alone, Secret Video Cams ... yeah God knew that as well ! And the latest bit is that Nithyananda claims himself to be Nithya,
I mean he is a SHE , check this out

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/india/Im-not-a-man-Nityananda-told-CID-sleuths/articleshow/5874923.cms

Now he is just one of the third kind, we all fall under several sub categories of this kind. There are so many of us who cheat our conscience and yet finally blame it on God or ask for the Almighty's forgiveness.

Whatever it is.... its your call finally, please do not blame God for your non-righteous actions. So what do you think? Satan is a better as a fallen angel, than we are? well, he at least chose to go against.

If any of the facts are wrong please blame google and my poor reading skills , not me.I tried this bit of satire post... well ll stick back to my dumb comedy from next time :) .. Happy weekend fellas !

OpEn - # 55 FiCtIoN

He entered the party with utmost confidence

Slowly everyone started smiling at him, then pearls of laughter

He knew his blogs were funny,

But never knew it can make people laugh at his sight

Everyone stared , laughed, clapped

He placed his hands on his hips and beamed majestically

Until he heard it " Dude your fly is open"! No wonder :(

No its not personal experience for all you dirty minds, provided you read my disclaimer ( how many of you are tired of me yapping this again and again ) .

LiTtLe MaStEr....SuNdArAm!

Sundaram is a classic all rounder in Cricket . For those who don't know about Sundar, please read my previous posts on him Sundaram Star , sure you'll double with laughter. His interest in cricket developed early during the days when Sachin Tendulkar was his guru. He started following Sachin in every aspect, so much that he decided only to marry a girl older than him.So he has various Aunty thrashing experiences.He got obsessed with cricket gradually and even thought of playing professional cricket. Sadly they do not play with plastic balls and Sundar was dejected.

Of late he realised its easy to enter the world of cricket thru IPL, where so many players shot to limelight, so he wore his cricket shoes again with an aim to capture the dream. We all set out to help Sundar and his awesome dream. We even spoke with Shilpa Shetty who was amazed at Sundar's extra mile effort and was willing to provide opportunity, I mean for cricket.Slowly the whole of Adyar started speaking about Sundaram and his dream. The neighbourhood Aunty would even give Sundaram free boost everyday morning to keep up his energy level.Wherever we went, we were showered with love and encouraging words from people for Sundaram, even the opposite house thatha , whose lovely grand daughter(oops i leaked unnecessary info) , ok even he started to support us.

After weeks of eating Bheema kushti legyam ( a very energized chyawanprash kinda ...err stuff) , and we even flicked the Adidas shoes from our neighbours to boost his morale, though one shoe was 8 size and the other 7, those obstacles would not stand in the way of a determined Sundaram. He started hearing the song "I believe I can fly" , and " Aashiq Banaya Apne" song like a dozen times every day. To practice batting we gave him the job of killing all the mosquitos in our house with the mosquito bat. Amazingly he used to kill 50 mosquito's at one shot!

Finally the D-Day of TEST arrived and we the busy people from Software giants(sitting in bench) took a day off to witness the remarkable entry of Sundar into cricket stardom. As he entered with his willow,there were shouts and chants. He stepped up with astonishing confidence just like Ilayathalapathy vijay! The Bowler appeared to be in gripping fear and the atmosphere was mokaistic (dumbstic if there is a word) . The picture below depicts the Sundar before and Sundar after. Rest is just history.

note : I do not have hatred towards cricket nor Sundaram, his extra super powers amaze me to the core and he is my best friend :)

My NaMe Is WaLa...

OK so now I went missing, so whats the big deal, we all go missing now and then. When I was a kid I used to play missing with my Dad in the exhibition, mall and scare the hell out of him, until I realised its not easy to find him either. Well any ways the post has nothing to do with me missing, its an Autobiography... I suck at writing autobiographies, so I took the expert advice. I'll tell you later who.

My Name is.... , that doesn't matter much cause none of you and the society know me by my name even if were to give one. I am considered a terror in the society and have been ridiculed by so many. Yet that gives me the strength.

I can drive around the streets thru tiny gaps where only cycle can pass thru , thereby I am the co-founder of the phrase "Cycle gap la auto ootran paru da" (driving an auto in the cycle gap)

I can charge the customer as much as a trip to the moon, even though the distance would be like from a hallway to the bathroom in a one-bed room flat.

I never do care about the vehicle really and have the privilege to abandon it, as most of them which I drive belong to the owners.

I consider the person sitting in the middle to be safe and I have pictures of Hindu,Muslim and Christianity for the passengers to pray for a safe journey.

I don't provide seat belts, so up to you to hold onto something.

I can drive the 200cc vehicle assuming to be a 5000cc Lamborghini.

I still have Rajinikanth's photo on my vehicle, so I can create publicity.

I stop when a girl waves her hand to stop and stick my tongue out when a guy waves.

My Vehicle is supposed to carry 3 persons, although I can take more than that ( If you know what i mean ahem ahem)

I consider the person sitting in the middle to be safe and I have pictures of Hindu,Muslim and Christianity for the passengers to pray for a safe journey.

I belong to an Union, as strong as the central Government.

Along with learning to drive, I learnt to abuse and fight so that skills are quite handy at many a time.

I have a fuming stove connected secretly beneath my meter.

You might be able to convince your girlfriend , but not me am more expensive than her shopping kitty.

Well me and my vehicle are always the first Victim of any strike, bundh .

I can take 15 people inside my tuk tuk.

Now all above experiences and facts are based on the blogger's fictional truth, any information detailed might be because the blogger loves the autorickshaws and yes as always please read my disclaimer.Cyu all soon :D

55 FiCtIon - DaMn HeR

Hi Amigos, hope everyone remember me... me the cartoonist away from blogs ville for quite a while playing the busy boy(ok ok man) game.... ll be back with my mokai and blade jokes... till then ensoi my 55er :) ... take care.. Happy weekend!

Stealthily he approached her ,Hand was his biggest weapon
She deserved it for she preyed on so many men
She was there every day, sleepless nights because of her
Now his friend?!! He decided to put an end to this
Could see her silhouette in the dark, as she approached his friend
He smashed the "mosquito "

VaLeNtInE

Before everyone start wondering what the title has anything to do with the picture, its a token of cupid and you will understand once you read the whole post ( I can make my readers read the whole post!)

Now there are various means of expressing desire... err... love. On Feb 14 Lloyd Floyd jumped 10k feet from the plane to prove his cupid smitten love, only to find that someone has picked his girl already during the wait. Chriz even tried to change his red u*****r(kids read my blog too) to impress his opposite house kelavi (old woman) . Fortunately he found out it was a kelavan(old man) not a kelavi. I have been approached by various girls anywways with letters of love, only to have ask me pass the letter on to my friends.

My neighbour Kid ( 7th standard fella.... nickie as "M") is a quite smart lad and one day he came upto me and said he is deeply in Love with the girl by the street end. Shocked,

Me : "Dei , what is Love?"

Kid : " Love is Kiss" . Double shock. I tried to put some sense by explaining its only for adults and not for kids. But he kept insisting me to say what the difference is and so I started elobarating

Me : " Love is like Puri, as you put it in the Oil & Butter of maya it turns happy and fluffy, but once you take it away, it shrinks" I asked him if he understood anything?

Kid : " I want Puri now" , so I had to take him to Saravana Bhavan to stop his hunger!!

Another fine day he wrote a love letter and brought it to me, said I need to give it to his ladylove. I quite got annoyed but curious i opened the envelope. It had a letter and a YO-YO which was free for Boost but he had half the "free with boost" scratched off.
The letter :

Anbe(Dear),

I really mess(miss) you in scool, so i want to tell one secret.

" Love is like Puri , you put in oil and it come out big or small. Big my Love...small also my Love. Eat with Kurma or masala. "

So tick the correct answer

Do you love me?
Yes------> ( kiss for you)
No-------> ( no puri for you) .

I really got half funny and scared. So to humor him i said " Kiss is a very sensitive issue and blah blah blah " , I got three taps from behind , turned around to see the Kid's elder sister glaring at me. Obviously she overheard my kissing detail. "Nice" I said to myself.

The kid's sister tied Rakhi ( Not Rakhi Sawant ...!) 6 months in advance to me. My crush on her crushed!Coming back to the Kid's love story, hmmm he did propose to her after a couple of years and they live happily ever after. They can be spotted in most of the Saravana Bhavan outlets in Chennai eating Puri. Doesn't mean am very old, he was 7 i was 17 so technically now he is 17 and am ...... OK fine! Hey Magesh, hope i haven't revealed your identity....oops!Happy Belated Valentine's day everyone! :D